Being intimate with your partner is a way to connect emotionally, enhance sexual intimacy, and relieve the stress and anxiety of daily life. But some people may feel embarrassed or anxious about initiating sex. Fear of rejecting your partner, fear of being too strong, fear of hurting your partner's feelings, etc.
It is especially difficult to start sex when you are in a long term relationship where passion and desire have receded, especially as libido fluctuates over time and there are differences in libido between partners, for example, wife never initiates sex. It makes the matter of starting sex even more difficult.
Why initiating sex is important?
Initiating sex with your partner is not only a way to increase sexual intimacy and affection for each other. It can also bring many benefits, not only better sleep quality, relieve stress and anxiety, enhance sexual confidence, etc. Sexual intercourse is also an affirmation of a partner's attraction.
How to initiate sex?
Here are a few tips to help you better initiate sex with your partner.
1. Make sure they agree
Making sure your partner agrees is the first step before initiating sex. Consent is the basis for any sexual activity, ensuring that both parties are willing and comfortable. You can determine whether your partner agrees by asking verbally or through body language. For example, can I take your shirt off? Can we take a shower together? How does it feel? Can we go to bed together? Can I continue? Wait, these questions can explore whether your partner agrees.
Sometimes verbal expression is not needed, physical expression is also a good way. You can observe your partner's wishes through hugging, kissing, touching, etc., and ask if they are willing to move to the bedroom.
Consent is sexy after all, and it can add an extra layer of excitement in the process. Of course, respecting your partner's wishes and boundaries is most important.
2. Express your wishes
You can set up a time to discuss openly and understand each other's sexual desires, fantasies, or new activities you want to try, such as BDSM, sex toys, role play, etc. Sincerely communicate each other's wishes and express each other's demands. Avoid acting judgmentally during this process, after all our goal is to have a better sex life and experience.
3. Flirt with your partner
Flirting with your partner is also a great way to ignite each other's sexual desire when you feel like your life is a little boring or you don't know how to express to your partner that you want to start having sex. You can wear sexy clothes or cosplay clothes. Or not wearing underwear, etc., to give your partner a hint. You can also role play during sex, if you like.
4. Show physical affection
It's important to show physical intimacy and affection in daily life, such as giving your partner a hug, holding hands, kissing, or giving each other a massage. These behaviors are a good way to express your love to your partner, enhance each other's sexual intimacy, and at the same time ignite each other's sparks and lay the foundation for getting ready for sexual intercourse.
5. Expand the definition of sex
If you and your partner have sexual desire differences, it's important to expand each other's definitions of sex. Bust the myth that sex is only about penetration and try some non-penetrative sex, such as oral sex, mutual masturbation, dry humping, using sex toys, and more. These are also pleasurable behaviors that can also increase sexual satisfaction.
6. Schedule sex
You may have different opinions on scheduling sex. Maybe you think sex is more exciting when it's spontaneous. But isn’t it also exciting to have sex on your calendar? And arranging sex can make you feel sexual excitement and tension a period of time before sex, and arranging sex can also make you better prepared and enhance the sense of ritual. More importantly, arranging sex can maintain a healthy and regular frequency of sex, better connect with each other and enhance intimacy.
7. Don’t have unrealistic expectations
Don't put unrealistic expectations about sex and put a lot of pressure on yourself or your partner. This can lead to a certain degree of anxiety and frustration due to high expectations. Sex should be enjoyable and comfortable.
Final thoughts
When starting sexual intercourse with your partner, you must prioritize their consent and respect each other's wishes and boundaries. We can verbally or physically ensure that your partner is enthusiastic about it and agrees to start sexual intercourse. Of course, if there is a sexual mismatch between partners, prompt communication and we can broaden our definition of sex and bust the myth that only penetration is called sex. Don't have unrealistic expectations about sex. The first priority is to ensure that both parties are willing and comfortable during the process.